We’ve had one of those days.
Except really it’s been one of those weeks and those weeks have turned into months. Dan had two tricky things to cope with today – Dave scored a goal while they played football in the garden, and then Sunderland scored against United in the 4th minute of the match he’d been excited about all day. Tricky moments, but his reaction to both incidents was slightly dramatic – total sobbing hopelessness.
And so we had a chat.
After a while of talking and hugging I said, “I think you and I are a bit full of feelings at the moment.”
“Yes, I really am”, said Dan.
“It’s OK to be full of feelings, but when you’re really full of feelings they spill out really easily.”
I grabbed his cup and filled it half-way with water. “Look. If you’ve just got a few feelings and something makes you wobble, you might feel a bit shaky but it’s OK.” I shook the cup and we watched the water swirl and then settle. Then I filled the cup to the top. “But if you’re full of feelings, when something makes you wobble, your feelings just spill out.” – I shook the cup and the water sploshed out. “It might spill out with crying or shouting or getting cross or wanting to throw stuff. It’s really hard isn’t it?”
“Yeah. What feelings are you full of, Mum?”
I told him I was feeling sad that God didn’t seem to be answering my prayers and that made me feel lonely and that he didn’t care about me, I told him I was finding some other things hard too, I told him I felt sad that I am not the kind of Mummy I want to be. And I told him those feelings spill into me shouting and being cross and crying and wanting to throw things. He knows.