Here is the second way we can answer Her back. (If you want to read the rest in the series they’re all listed here – most recent first.)
We listen because she speaks the truth. BUT… it’s not the whole truth
She loves to embellish the truth
I shout at my kids and She says, “you are a terrible, abusive mother. You’ve broken your children now.”
The truth is that I’m an imperfect mother – She’s right! But I am neither terrible nor abusive and I haven’t broken my children.
She loves to interpret the truth
I leave the hairdressers and notice one of the stylists giving a wry smile as I leave. She says, “I bet they were smirking at you. It’s probably because you didn’t tip/look stupid/talked about tattoos”.
The truth is that someone smiled a little weirdly – She’s right! Everything else is Her slightly manic interpretation. Of course, She comes to these conclusions with no evidence.
She loves to generalise the truth
I experience awkwardness in a friendship. She says, “well, this relationship is really difficult. Maybe no-one likes you. Maybe you can’t trust anyone.”
The truth is that I may be going through a tough time with a friend – She’s right! But this truth doesn’t jeopardise every relationship ever!
The whole orange is better than half. The whole pizza is better than half. The whole book is better than half.
The whole truth is better than half.
Half a car isn’t a car. Half a ball isn’t a ball. Half a £20 note isn’t a £20 note – it’s not even a tenner.
Half a truth isn’t the truth.
Her words of truth are lies. The problem with half-truths is that they are hard to spot and easy to believe.
How can we detect her lies?
When you hear her voice ask:
- What is the whole truth here? – Can you tease out the grain of truth from the great big barn-ful of lies?
- Where is the evidence for me to believe this? Would Her accusation hold up in court?
- What would a friend say to me about this?
These lie-detecting questions have been tweaked from some CBT I’ve had recently. I found it exceptionally helpful and I’m super grateful for the NHS.
What do you think?
- Can you think of other ways She bends the truth?
- Can you remember a recent example of Her speaking half-truths to you?
- What specific lies do you need to begin to ignore?
- What truth can you speak to yourself instead?
- What truth does God want you to hear, know and believe about him and yourself today?
- Do you find yourself talking about weird things at the hairdresser’s?!
This is so true, and very similar to something I heard the other day about the sequence of something actual happening (fact), and then the brain’s tendency to extrapolate a whole load of inaccurate information from that one real fact, which we then believe and internalise as truth. Better to just restate the fact (so, I didn’t get the job) than extrapolate nonsense (therefore I am a failure, stupid, unemployable, unpresentable etc etc). That discipline is a starting point, to being able to take positives from the experienced fact (but I learn’t a lot from the interview, there is another better job waiting for me), might be the next level, if it can feel authentic. I think it was an online coach called the Joy Junkie I heard that from. That negative, critical voice is so cruel, we would NEVER talk like that to a friend. I wish I heard the holy spirit’s words of encouragement so searingly. This series has got me thinking so much, would it be ok if I write about it on my blog in some way, with a link to you here? Bxx
Yes – that explains just what I mean and that step of being able to see something good instead of assuming/making up bad things is something I aspire to!
I so want to be better at listening to the Spirit’s voice instead of Hers – how do we do it?!
Belinda, anything you would like to share would be a real honour for me. Thank you!
As I was retelling the Creation story recently, I said: “The snake was so good at lying that he told the truth”. This is pretty much what I meant
Love it, Amy!
Thank you again Alice for such thought-provoking and helpful words. I’m currently babysitting for a friend and reflecting that this is the first time for ages that I’ve had a few hours of quiet space to think and pray away from the distractions of normal life. I love my children, my husband, my work, the different commitments I have at church and outside church, the friends and family I want to see/phone etc – but sometimes juggling it all is exhausting and I often feel guilty that I’m not doing anything ‘properly’.
I wonder if part of the reason I often find it harder to hear God’s voice and instead listen to Her voice (no matter how unreasonable) is because I haven’t carved out time to stop and focus on God’s perspective on it all? Even ‘quiet times’ (when they happen) are often rushed and interrupted. Maybe I need to babysit more often!
Ruth xx
ps – I also think lack of sleep really doesn’t help us to have the right sense of perspective on things!
Alice, I really enjoyed reading your blog and I think you are amazing. I also wish I was different. I dream about having a tidy house and being organised enough to have some ‘me’ time. My husband has chronic illness, which makes him permanently very tired and consequently depressed because he is too tired to do the things he’d like to do. I have 2 children (aged18 &15), who both have learning difficulties and autism. I’m the piggy in the middle. I know all the stuff about trusting in God and knowing His strength but I am constantly struggling in my own strength and often I am lucky if I get the washing-up done. I am tired all the time. Our house is like a rubbish dump and makes us both more depressed and tired. We feel as though we are stuck on a treadmill of tiredness, depression and untidyness. Sorry if I sound self-pitying – I just wonder if anyone else out there has similar problems.