Today Mikey asked for the sketcher and signed “man”. Normally that means he’d like me to draw a face so I did (and so did Dan).

But then…

I was whispering “ohmygosh. Wow. A circle. A face!!”

And he continued…

Aaaaand, he did it over and again!!!

I honestly can’t get over how many incredible feats of developmental awesomeness this one picture involved:

  • Signing clearly.
  • Understanding that a symbol (the picture) represents something real (a man).
  • Thinking about various features of a face and including them – check out the EARS!
  • Saying “hair”.
  • Using a tool to make a mark.
  • Translating what was in his mind to something so recognisable.

Truthfully, this is one of the most magnificent things I have ever seen. I am so proud of him. So in awe of his determination and his ability to surprise me just when I think he’s slowed right down!

Today, Mikey is my hero.

The sketcher from the Early Learning Centre was a gift from Mikey’s birth parents a few years ago. It’s one of the very best toys we’ve got. I highly recommend it for durability and useability. When it breaks we’ll get another one immediately.

I am the Duchess of Doubt. Much of the time I live with a whisper which, almost too quietly to hear, queries every certainty. It’s the whisper that says, “you know, this is probably all complete rubbish”. Somehow doubt and assurance cohabit in my mind.

But doubt is a downer. There are times that I feel pretty sad and worn low because of the emotional effect of doubt.

As I’ve said previously, one of my hopes for the year is to address some of the questions that most regularly cause me to doubt. My hope is that I’ll equip myself with a few choice words to say in reply to that nagging voice of uncertainty.

In the process of looking for good answers I’ve come across a few things I’ve found useful on the topic of doubt.

  • Thanks to my friend Rich for suggesting this video of Gary Habermas talking about different types of doubt. I love what he says about various people in the Bible who doubted. It’s 29 minutes long, which sounds like ages but with a cup of tea in hand, listening to the great and encouraging stuff he says, the time flies.
  • This very recent article on the gospel coalition blog is pitched at helping others who doubt.
  • I really appreciate the tremendous amounts of good and accessible resources on the Fervr site. They have just begun a little series on doubt and you can read the first one here.
  • In the Autumn I went to a good seminar on ‘glorifying God in the midst of doubt’ by Jo McKenzie – you can find it and listen here.

I’m not going to go in to loads of detail about the substance of my doubts or attempt to blog my way through my answers, because sometimes other people’s questions can be unhelpful or distracting. But I did want to acknowledge my doubt rather than embarrasedly hide it. It seems that half the battle of doubt is feeling like the only one and therefore feeling like a fraud amongst all the non-doubters. I am confident I am a Christian I think Jesus is excellent – facing my doubt has given me a boost after feeling worried and ground down.

I don’t love doubting. In fact, I’d prefer it to go away forever. But with some good new resources out there and what seems to be a refreshing new openness in addressing the issue, I feel like if ever there was a good time to doubt, it’s now!

Dan can’t stop drawing rainbows. There is hope everywhere I turn.

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