I can’t sleep.

I am not sure whether this is because I had a nap this afternoon or because my book is released in the UK tomorrow and I’m feeling nervous. It’s probably a bit of both, isn’t it?

So I’m drinking decaf tea, checking Facebook and trying to make myself sleepy.

I’m trying to work out why I’m nervous. I think I had expected to be worried about what people will think of the book – and I’m sure that time will come (swiftly on the heels of the first mildly negative review) – but I’m not worrying about that at the moment. At the moment I feel very proud of the book I’ve written, hopeful that it will be helpful and generally resigned to the fact that I can’t change it now.

I’m nervous because I don’t think I’m doing this ‘book launch’ thing very well. I’ve been awake at nights wondering how to make sure the book arrives into the world with fanfares and streamers – other people seem to do such fancy and creative things. My book will arrive in the world like so many of our babies – welcomed by a few, treasured by a few and celebrated by those who have already decided they will love it.

I guess I’m not very good at the celebration thing – the ‘let’s make this into a proper occasion’ thing.

Deep down I want to tell everyone that I wrote a book! A whole entire book! And it’s actually pretty good! But I’m not sure how, so I’ll blush and smile and knock something over to distract you while I leave a copy of my book in your hands and run away.

Definitely the coolest method. That’s me. Cool.

It’s Autumn!

How did that happen so fast? This was a summer of change for us – we changed church, we moved house and Jemima started school.

We’ve gone from living in a 3 storey Grade II listed building to a small but lovely NEW BUILD. I know! We are living in the world of en-suites and magnolia walls. Oh, sorry – it’s almond white. We’ve only moved a 5 minute drive away but it feels like a whole new world (“don’t you dare close your eyes…”).

And we love it. I never would have thought it of us, but we adore it. We’ve moved in to a house where all we need to do is set up our furniture and put up some pictures. After 11 years of living in works-in-progress this is a blissful state of being. In spite of our beige door.

The dreamiest thing is how happy Mikey is at the moment. He seems more settled in our new house than he was in the old one. He’s addicted to blowing bubbles (let all the speech and language therapists be glad!) and has started calling me ‘Bubbas’ – I’m taking it as a compliment.

 

first day of school

Jemima’s start to school has been wobbly. The main thing wobbling has been her bottom lip. Wahhhh! She’s happy when she’s there, but very cross when I leave. She’s so small. SO SMALL.

I know I’m meant to be terribly heart-broken that all three of my babies are at school. I’m supposed to be bereft and stuff. But my main feeling is WE MADE IT! We made it through the pre-school years! I want to run down the street high-fiving all the fans thronging the pavements.

My focus now is spending time each day writing (I would really like to have a first draft of my novel done by the end of the year) and I want to do what I can to get better. I still have depression, I’m still on medication (thank you beautiful NHS) and I start CBT this week (again, hugs and kisses to the NHS). I’m having more good days, but bad days like to hang around.

So, I’m back. And I’m hoping I’m returning from depression too. Let’s wait and see, hey?

Over the next couple of days I want to share some ideas I’ve had for October, so let’s take this as a chance to catch up – let me know what’s new for you in the comments!

Yesterday we shared ribena and cheesy bread with the kids and I told the story of Jesus’ last meal with his friends. We wondered how it would feel for the disciples to be told he was about to die and tried to help them understand that Jesus’ friends didn’t know he would be coming back. Tonight Dave […]

It’s 7am and I’ve just finished my second cup of tea. This isn’t news really – the same thing happens every morning and every morning those cups of tea feel like magic. It’s school holidays here. Dave and Dan are at an Easter conference – Dave is drumming in the band and Dan is in […]

It’s international handwriting day, (which is certainly worth celebrating), so I’ve written a letter especially for you. Click on the photos to enlarge them. Lots of love, Me xx Blog this! Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post Bookmark in […]

What do you mean it’s been 2 months since I wrote anything here? It can’t be. *checks dates* Oh. I’m emerging from a pretty dark couple of months. I’ve been taking some anti-depressants which have helped and I’m feeling a lot more like me. I’m grateful to be on a waiting list for some counselling. […]